I am spinning my wheels trying to figure out all these thoughts in my head. Bare with me, its a long and somewhat confusing post.
Coming from an education background, I know kids learn at different levels and at different speeds. Having realized this and seen it firsthand, it still doesn't seem to keep my feeling of failure at bay. I have many friends how have kids Kenley's age, maybe a few weeks older. Whenever I talk to my friends, I ask them how their kiddos are doing. I always get the updates on the new accomplishments such as talking in sentences, having all their teeth, not relying on the paci, have kicked the bottle, learning the alphabet song, etc. etc. We still use the bottle and paci at bedtime. Small strides we are making. Their kids all seem way ahead of Kenley in many ways. I keep thinking that Kenley will start talking more, put more words together, or start taking more of an interest in her letters/numbers stuff. That doesn't seem to be the case. She is talking more clearer and has learned her animals and sounds. But other than that, I don't see her at the same level as the other kids. Does she sleeps for 13 hrs straight count? What about she has outgrown naptime? Surely those count for something. She lacks 5 or 6 teeth but does have some of her molars. I just feel like I'm not being the best mommy I should be or can be. Maybe I am babying her and holding her back. Maybe I need to make it more of a priority to teach her those things. I struggle with creating a more educational atmosphere or letting her be a 2 yr old ornery girl with playtime. Maybe its time to invest in more educational materials for her. I dunno, maybe is just me and she is doing great. She might be ready to learn all those new things but its me who is hindering her progress. I hate this feeling of inadequacy, I probably just butchered the shit outta that word, but oh well, get over it. I just feel like a failure like I am not doing everything I can to better her life. I should be proud of her accomplishments and appreciate what she can do for some children never have gotten to where she is. So count my blessings and move on, right. Gosh, I am sounding like a shallow self pittied bitch who thinks her child should be in Harvard by now.
I apologize if I have offended anyone with this post. It was not my intention. Its my blog, my real emotions, my real back and forth mind set, my indecisiveness. My thoughts are all over the place. I'm going back and forth about feeling appreciative and feeling like a failure. I truely feel like a mouse spinning on a wheel, trying to figure out what to do with this feeling.
I apologize if I have offended anyone with this post. It was not my intention. Its my blog, my real emotions, my real back and forth mind set, my indecisiveness. My thoughts are all over the place. I'm going back and forth about feeling appreciative and feeling like a failure. I truely feel like a mouse spinning on a wheel, trying to figure out what to do with this feeling.
10 left me love:
Tara, I feel the same way. Tay is still on a bottle at night and doesn't talk well. Her only sentence is Hi papa. or Bye Papa. I know I need to read to her more, so that is a new routine for us before bedtime. I read two books about 4 times. She loves it. I think it will help her learn. I also I will ask her to repeat the words in the book.
Your a great mommy, and if you feel like your not teaching her enough. Google some learning ideas for 2 year olds. (DON'T COMPARE TO OTHER KIDS) you will feel bad every time.
Well, my great nephew is 2-1/2 and he's breen throwing footballs straight to a target since he was 6-months old BUT he's just now getting Mama and Papa and other one-words down....and his parents are both educators and his maternal grandma is a retired grade school teacher who takes him to the library once a week. My younger sister sucked on a pacifier until she was 4 and gave it up when a neighbor bribed her with money. Everyone is different. I suppose you were reciting the alphabet backwards at 2. Right?
You know what? Most likely it will all come in time..then you won't be able to shut her up.
Don't feel bad for your feelings Tara! If you ask me, our society puts so much emphasis on this developmental stages stuff that it makes us all feel like we aren't making the cut in some way. All kids develop at different rates and some gifts are harder to see early on. I felt like a failure a couple weeks ago because I signed Glen up for soccer and guess what, all the other kids started at age 3! what the hell? So, here's my four yr old feeling behind at soccer? four is behind? give me a break. We went to one session and he was miserable and never wanted to go back again. so we didn't. He was shy and intimidated and seemed really different from everyone else. I was sure it is because I'm so weird that I raised him wrong or something. so, anyway, i get what you're saying. But it's okay, my brother in law is a pediatrician and he thinks most of that developmental stage stuff is crap and just makes parents feel bad. Kenley will find her own way and with a mom like you she'll be an awesome person. whoa! sorry for the obnoxious longwinded comment!
Oh I have been at this place before.
Calob had me at this same place.
He didn't talk at all until he was 3. He would make grunting sounds and point. Then all of a sudden one night at dinner he said Mom can I have some juice.
Just like that never said a word and starting talking in complete sentences. And as far as potty training... he wasn't until he was 4. I had tried and tried he wouldn't do it. Then out of nowhere he started going and telling me.
Don't underestimate your parenting abilities ever. You're doing a great job. She'll be fine and so will you.
I think we will always doubt ourselves when in comes to parenting. But, I'm sure you are doing a great job. The silliest things can become learning experiences. Just keep talking to her and reading to her. And, don't compare.
Can you find a play group to get involved in? Some other kids to interact with? Maybe that will help.
Its already been said, but you are a great mom! My opinion is to let kids be kids and dont sweat the small stuff. She's fine. It is hard to hear other parents talk up their kids. I recently heard a lady talking about her 13 month old counting to 5. That made me feel bad...I havent even thought of trying to teach Avery that. Then someone asked me if we were potty training yet? Hell no. Am I a bad mom if I dont think we need to start potty training at 18 months? Oh well. I am not ready and I am SURE she isnt.
I wish we were closer. We could get our "developmently delayed" or whatever they want to call it kids together and play. :) Seriously, she's fine and right on target, if that even matters.
Julie
This is all just their way of preparing your for their teenage years...
You're doing fine... she's doing fine... I worked in a nursery at a daycare for a while... oh my GOSH the range of ages that kids did things! Some walked at 7 months, some not till 20! Some were saying sentances at 9 months, some not... well... not while they were in our room!
That was several years ago, and before I moved, i often saw those same kids around town - they're between 4 and 6 now - and they're ALL potty trained - they ALL talk - they all walk - none of them had a paci in their mouths... so don't worry sweetie!!!!!
I had to reply to this with my extensive child development knowledge gleaned from all of 6 years with kids. I am a friggin expert.
Kenley's developmental stage now is in no way indicative of how she'll compare to her peers once she starts school. Meaning, she may well surpass them by the time they're in preschool or kindergarten.
My oldest was an early talker, full sentences, etc. Now she's not some Einstein kid, she's just very average and normal. They just start things at different ages, plateau at different ages, start up again at different ages...
To give you another comparison for Kenley, Helena is 21 months. She has her pacifier all the time, and we don't try to limit it at all. She does not use a bottle, but I would still be letting her nurse if she wanted to. She does not string words together, and only since July has she started talking. She sings some song, either Twinkle twinkle or the ABCs, because she carries the tune really well, but even knowing that I can't tell a thing she's saying. It's all crazy gibberish talk. Were you saying Kenley's speech sounds like Chinese and German or something? That made me laugh so hard because that is SO Helena.
My boys will be 4 next week and have never been developmentally delayed or anything, but they show no interest in letters and numbers except to point out A,G,P,H or J, because that is what our family's names start with. And those are the only letters they know. I will be shocked if Helena cares about that in the next year.
I am not sure if Helena knows animals and sounds. Probably not. She knows some body parts and I thought that was brilliant.
You can't baby a baby too much, and they really are still babies at this age. She'll let you know what she's ready for. I thought about homeschooling for a while and learned about the Charlotte Mason philosophy that talked about kids not being ready for formal learning until at least 6. You don't need to teach her anything -- she has a natural desire to learn and she'll seek out the information when she's ready.
You are doing fine. Even if you sit around watching tv all day, she will teach herself a lot of things. Just by hanging out with you and listening to you talk she learns a ton. Don't be so hard on yourself!
Okay, that was probably long enough... sorry!
OH MY GOSH that reply was so ridiculously long!
I know what you mean. Here is my take on it. When can our kids just be kids? It seems like they are pushed into school so quick and then they will spend all day at school and come home and have to spend all day on school work. Like you, I am bothered because my 4 year can't do everything else that the others are doing. She doesn't get all her alphabet right, she can't recognize half of them. Years ago, before all the early age learning toys and push to put kids in preschool, this would be considered the norm. I try not to think about it and try not to push her. We work on it when we feel like it with some cutey songs. She doesn't attend preschool as she gets to spend all day home with her daddy and then me in the evenings.
It is funny cause she has excelled at somethings. She said "mama" at 6 months and meant it. She was a very early talker. I thought she was going to be a genius until my mom told me I could say Grandma at age 10 months, so then it hit me that she wasn't any smarter than I am (which is kinda scary) but normal. So like you said, some kids excel at one thing and others at something else. I do get concerned over dyslexia because her father and his siblings all have it, so I worry about that. But we shall deal with it and for now, I'm happy to let her play and be a free 4 year old. In one more year she can have the structure of a classroom.
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